Sunday, July 8, 2012

First child - a hand grenade?

"Having a first child is like throwing a hand grenade into a marriage" Those are strong words from much-quoted Nora Ephron.  Do you agree?  I think it is true that one of the first casualties of parenthood is our relationship with our partner.  Far from cementing a relationship, the arrival of a child can drive a wedge between even the most committed couples.  As a GP I often counseled frazzled, stressed-out mothers to try to regain a sense of control and to find some sort of time to connect properly with their partner.  The kids don't benefit from a parent and a relationship that is not only functioning and "whole" but that is tense and falling apart.
How often do you spend time alone together , either after the kids are in bed at night or during a night out?   Do you have a set date night once a month or even weekly?  If you don't already have a set time, can you consider how you can work this into your week?  Perhaps consider who can help you achieve it - it may be family, friends, a professional child-minding service or a combination of both.  Dr KB.   

Is it too late to change?

I am turning 40 next year and it has occurred to me that, all going well, I am nearly half way through my life.  As the mother of a young child I got me thinking about how I want the second half of my life to me and what kind of role model I would like to be for my son.  I recently had a good hard look at myself and realised that a few things needed to change.
What I have realised is that change can happened in an instant - the moment you decide to change.
I started by finishing the following sorts of sentences:
I no longer want...
From now on I will...
For example: I no longer want to feel anxious. From now on I will no longer fear what others think. 
I no longer want to yell at my child. From now on I will consistently assert myself with calm authority.
It might sounds simplistic but many people have made even greater changes but only after they decided to do so. I truly believe that you have more power to change than you realise.  
Dr Kirsten Baulch.
(Thanks to for the beautiful image).